It’s her voice, I tell you. Her – I mean Kaia (I guess? That’s what the comments said, anyway), BT’s daughter, who sings the outro to the very beautiful and touchy song ‘Forget Me’, by BT himself. I loved it on first try on YouTube, though I never got to the end because I kept going back over and over and over again to the start of the song. Only later did I get to the end, hearing her lovely little voice tell us grown-ups:
Let us remember
Life’s such a beautiful mistake
It’s precious and fragile
Sometimes more than we can take
It’s stronger than fire
Created in all the wars that we wage
And I don’t know what you want me to be
But I don’t want to be perfect anymore
Makes you wonder sometimes, why the same thing you tell yourself doesn’t make as much an impact on you as does another person telling you, huh? I never heard myself telling me it was all a mistake, whatever had happened. Sometimes I tend to act stupid, and rash. And I end up paying for it. Sort of a suicide bomber, only I blow up emotions and feelings. And trust, sometimes.
I don’t know what you want me to be, but I don’t want to be perfect anymore. Who wants to be perfect anyway? I never craved for perfection – it was not built for me to achieve. Besides, how do we know perfect? What IS perfect? We’re flawed beings. We can’t experience nor create flawlessness. It’s impossible. (It’s not about God, or anything. I try not to talk about religion – it puts me in a corner, my mouth. I say things without thinking them out. So.)
But it’s about love. Unrequited love, the one where it doesn’t matter how badly someone treats you, or how much you’ve been there for them, or anything, but just that you know you love them. You can’t ask someone to ‘define’ love – I never found the words to describe it. Honest. And you can’t ‘unlove’ somebody. Maybe you can’t love them again the way you did once, but there’s no ‘undo’ option here. Nope, no Ctrl+Z. No back-up file either. You’ve got to work with this, or… Well I admit I don’t know what else can be done.
Mistakes – I’ve made many. Never regretted them. I don’t know why – maybe I was too much in my ego? No idea. All I know is that I never did. Until I heard this song, though. I had a friend, we always used to help each other out, and keep each other smiling day in and day out (night too, but shhhhhhh! Platonic.). Until one day I confessed what I felt for her. You know how it is, the awkwardness, the shyness/guilt, the pain – when it’s your best friend. Who happens to say ‘no’. And then it’s the usual thing, the fights, the curses, the Hell we go through – the usual. And then you begin to recoil inwards like a nut and crack. You start being repulsive, and cruel and hateful. And underneath all the storms and crashing waves lies a calm ocean that’s still in turmoil.
It was a beautiful mistake, but ultimately it was life. You have to go on past it, past the rejections, past the deaths, the firing from the job, the relationship failures, the sad homeless days, the endless rain pouring down on you, the pain. And that’s what makes life so beautiful. Maybe you don’t deserve me, and maybe you deserve someone better. I don’t know. I don’t want to fight. Life’s too short for enemies or hatred. Can’t hate. Looking back I don’t want to regret.
It was love. It still is love. But I don’t know what you want me to be, and I don’t want to be perfect any more.