The Silence Before the Keystroke

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I’ve tried to study. It didn’t work. Maybe I need to start afresh, you know? Enjoy the remainder of the day today and then wake up to a fresh start tomorrow? Maybe I’ll do that, and it could save me.

There’ll be silence, and I’m sure of it. I’ll keep my fingers to myself, and try to abstain, to not give in to temptation. I know these songs have misled me time and time again, and I won’t let them do it to me again. Resistance is key this time around. I know you’ll hate me, but trust me, it’s for the better. I’ll lock you up in some part of my dusty mind, and let you be there. Don’t expect wake-up calls, breakfast, lunch and dinners. I’ll let you rot, and suffer. I’ll deny you what you denied to me, and I know for sure, even then you won’t budge. You’ll still be the same, and I’ll still be the same. I’ll rewrite my ROM to something else entirely and the moment I’ll lay eyes on you, it’ll go back to the original state, somehow. But I will, and I’m intent. This time around, there’s no turning back. You won’t tempt me, you won’t seduce me. Don’t expect me to help you. Maybe I’ll use you for my own needs and gains. I’m a human being, if you didn’t notice before. I have wants, I have needs; I need to be there for myself. I need to live, to survive, to exist. Not like you. You could live alone, without a care, but you’d rather take the more soft-hearted amongst us and lead us to ruin. To smithereens. I wish you weren’t like this. I wish you were a stranger I could disengage.

Here’s to you, the ruin of me, the death-knell and the tolling bell of my life. The belittler of all my genuine greater worries. Here’s to you.

 

Au revoir. Maybe I’ll see you again, sooner than I plan to. Maybe. And it’ll be selfish.

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